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Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Moon Lit Bay

Walking down the moon lit bay
Enjoying holding her hand

Her dress is sky blue
With little yellow flowers
Placed on randomly

She starts to sing a song
One she wrote when she was young
She had done no bad

So pure, I shed a tear of joy
She sang lovely for hours
It never got old

I knew she wrote it from her heart
Every sentence was so true and bold

Finishing her song
We look each in each others eyes
We then smile

Feeling the love swarm all around us
We touch lips

An overwhelming shock
Goes throughout my body
There was no denial

My eyes closed
I picture us in a
Red rose garden

She's in white
I'm in black

A man in white
Tells us how
We shall live together

I then open my eyes
We have fallen in love
Walking down the moon lit bay

Where Am I?

It has a smell of a hint of pickles,
Some people in here give me the wiggles,
All around are different kinds of races,
Some beautiful and many ugly faces.

People acting like absolute fools,
Smoking Marlboro's, Camel's, and Kool's,
To sit on, there are mostly stools,
A lot of the people here are tools.

Fucking hard asses starring at me,
Because I'm alone writing for free,
If I get in a fight here, many will see,
All gocking, the men won't leave the women be.

There are a few t.v.'s on the wall,
Once in a while you'll see someone fall,
Many different items you can choose from,
Half of the time, hot women will come.

Sometimes there are pool tables in here,
A few of these nasty places I fear,
If you don't know where I am so far,
I'll tell you guys, it's a fucking bar.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas My Friends

Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas friends,
Thanks for helping me through my bends,
I respect every single one of your trends.

From the parties to the hikes in the mountains,
It's all been beautiful like the oceans,
"One Love" to you all, tis true as Bob Marley's quotations.

You guys supporting me in my sobriety,
We have a dope ass secret society,
Our life depends on "our" recovery.

To those who supported me in jail,
It means the world to me, now all is swell,
Thank you to those who have helped me out of my hell.

You all mean so so much to me,
Spencer, we had dope times in that tree,
I hope you all see the love I see.

Goose, Tyler, Peter, Ian, and Davey,
Thanks for the safe place to party,
Getting me back into the program, thanks Marky (Mark Robison).

To all the women, you girls blow my mind,
So helpful, loving, beautiful, and kind,
A smile you have helped me find :).

To all my boys out there,
Thanks for having my back, I've got yours, I swear.
It's fucking amazing how much you guys care.

Everybody, I honestly love you all,
If you need me, I'll catch you if you fall,
For you, thousands of miles I would crawl.

To myself, another year survived,
Good job my man, forget about the things you've knifed,
A new love for life you've revived.

Let us all have a great 2011,
Rest In peace, all our friends in heaven,
I love you all 24/7.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

I Can't Die Dead Enough

I can't stay down enough to die,
Living in this hell hole, is there a reason why?
I keep on getting pulled up from 6 feet under,
Is it the Gods who created the thunder?

I can't die dead enough to have a final end,
Angels save me, the Gods they did send,
Weakness runs through my body figure,
This spirit of mine is so impure.

The fire burns on, even though I don't want it to,
My fire burned bright when I was young and not in the blue,
But something changed, I became sad and lonely,
I'm by myself, I am depressed and the only.

Just let me go, I hate living with this head,
My blood is sad blue, it is no longer red,
From my cuts of hatred towards my mind,
All in rows of guilt and shame they are lined.

They found me left for dead in a gutter,
All shocked, there was an enormous clutter,
I can't finish it, people keep saving me,
Even when I was almost dead hanging from a tree.

Please, just let me finish my task at hand,
My next attempt is to sink in that quicksand,
That will take me under to the fire,
I plan to put out the flame, death is my desire.

Spencer Hogwerth

Yo, I be writin about my boy Spencer,
Your guys' friendship sucks, ours is denser,
We be mobbin up to our secret fort,
Our friendship has been long, not short.

We are the captains of outrageous fashion,
All kinds of music is our passion,
Huffin gasoline with Goose, walking down the street,
We would wobble together on our feet.

Hey look, it's Bob Burnquest, nice glasses,
Running in the streets of Delta with our naked asses,
My favorite times in life have been with him,
He's got a presence that's not whatsoever dim.

Night games, beating up Dodger or Cameron,
This friendship of ours will never be an abandon,
Both of us are the black sheep of the family,
Fuck it, lets go hide in our fort in the tree.

Longboarding in 9th grade together,
Remember soaking while skating in the rainy weather?
Now we live in different states, so what,
We still help each other through any rut.

Well my friend, it's been real, always,
You're my best friend, fuck what anyone else says,
Yet to come are great memories in the nights and days,
I promise I'll come visit you on the Cali bays.

Love you bro, you're my boy for life!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Creep

Pulsating eyes bleed out yellow flames,
In his brain he gets these crazy games,
Who did this, nobody claims.

Shook up head from the intense noise,
Brain cells fighting, then destroys,
The king to them all so annoys.

Twitching legs, he wants to saw them apart,
Paint with his own blood, make some evil art,
This world of his, he can't restart.

Clenched jaw, biting his teeth together,
It's because off this cold cold weather,
His face is rough like dry leather.

Ravage fists just wanting to punch,
His back is gross with a terrible hunch,
When he walks his ankles crunch.

You woke him up from his sleep, he then arose,
He's angry, he'll grab you if you come close,
Cannibalism is his diagnose.

Just let him go back to sleep,
No one wants to see him, the creep,
He'll just grab you and pull you into the deep.

Monday, December 20, 2010


Rocket me to another dimension,
I need to get rid of this tension,
It's like a bad commercial on the television.

Saucers take me to their master,
They tell me our earth is a disaster,
The rulers are the spell casters.

War, it's the number one killer,
Dead bodies in caskets are the filler,
This life of ours is a terrible thriller.

Why is it we kill over Gods name?
All it's causing is a bunch of blinding shame,
Doesn't anyone see we are following Cain?

Whatever, it will never be worked out,
So much confusion I want to shout,
What is this life's meaning, what's it about?

I don't feel that war is the answer,
It's as bad as trying to figure out cancer,
Sad as rotten crops are to a rancher.

Who will come up with the solution?
When will we stop our pollution?
We are all in a state of confusion.

Come my friends, let us be one,
Let us shine bright like the sun,
If we act now, maybe the earth won't be done.

Haven't Been Writing

Well as some of you may know I haven't wrote much in December,
Unlike 20 some odd poems in November,
I've been doing really good
Just haven't been writing like I should.

What's been going on?
Snowboarding, girls, friends, work, I've been gone,
I've really been missing out on writing,
It always helps me, keeps me fighting.

Sorry to those who check to see if I'm ok,
I am, just haven't been writing everyday,
I think I was writing so much that I didn't know,
Know what to write, felt I had nothing to show.

But I feel a new inspiration,
It's the beauty in everything and it's collaboration,
Everything has been one with me lately,
Tons of women I've been looking at gratefully.

Well anyways it's about time I start out a new one,
New poems, some will be sad, others fun,
What will be my next masterpiece?
Hey baby! How about some cheese?

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Suicide Of Mine

October 22nd 2008 is my suicide attempt day,
I can't tell you every detail, but this is what I'll say,
I was in a tremendous amount of pain,
Satan as my accomplice, I took Gods name in vein.

I was sad over a girl that treated me like shit,
After so much, I couldn't take anymore, I was done with it,
I left work early that day and I went home,
Went straight to the bathroom, I didn't roam.

Listening to Bob Dylan's song "Tangled Up In Blue,"
This is how I attempted suicide, this is what I did do,
Half a family sized bottle of Tylenol makes my stomach rumble,
Next two prescriptions of Trazedone which makes me stumble.

Also I didn't know Tylenol was a blood thinner,
Two other suicide attempts, I was not a beginner,
Ready to leave this cruel place,
I had a smile on my face.

I grabbed my two razorblades, got in that evil shower,
Slitting my left wrist again and again was the power,
So many cuts, I thought I was done,
Nope, I decided to cut again inside the middle one.

I laid down in comfort as I lost the red blood,
From all my cuts came a non-stopping bloody flood,
I'd stand up for a few seconds just to fall right back down,
It was at that moment I could feel evils crown.

As I sat in warmth, Satan walks in,
Evil thoughts and wicked laughs start to begin,
So excited to get out of this terrible life,
I was extremely happy that I used the knife.

Honestly, I could fell Satan's presence right by my side,
I couldn't get up and run, there was no place to hide,
I lost so much blood, I had no control,
Over my strong body, I was loosing my soul.

Every single second I could feel myself starting to die,
I didn't want to live, I thought there was no reason why,
I started to shake uncontrollably, the water had gone cold,
In that shower for an HOUR AND A HALF, I thought I was sold.

The water was ice cold, I had to get out,
Slipping and falling as I tried to stand about,
I wanted to be warm so I grabbed my black towel,
Next part of the story was my biggest foul.

I lost my balance so I put my left hand down,
Fell again and again, it was a bloody mess, I did frown,
This scene was literally hell on earth,
I felt my life was not worth.

All of the sudden there were bangs on the door,
It was then my heart sunk to the deep core,
"What the fuck's going on in there man?
Unlock the door or I'm busting it open, you know I can!"

It took me 30 seconds to unlock that impossible knob,
He was starring in, back and forth I did bob,
"Where the fuck did all this blood come from?"
I showed him my wrist, I was completely numb.

He asked why I had done it,
At that time I lost so much blood I couldn't say shit,
He wrapped me in a blanket, carried me down three flights of stairs,
I knew death was not far, he was saving me because he cares.

There was one thing that might have saved me,
I wanted heat, he said "no" and turned on the AC,
He drove like a bat out of hell to the hospital,
He knew I was close to death and it was fatal.

When we arrived he ran for a wheelchair,
Rushed me into the hospital then started to blare,
"This kid's cut himself way fucking bad!"
All the other patients were shocked and were sad.

Multiple doctors came to save me from hell,
Then they said, "You can close your eyes, all is well,"
Why I was saved, truly I don't know,
I think it was just an intermission in my show.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Alfred Jenkins!!!!!!!!

Alfred Jenkins is the name of my notebook,
It's a new black one, take a look,
New writings are sure to come,
Using the pen is where it comes from.

What craziness is going to be written in here?
Maybe writings of braveness, maybe some of fear,
Maybe with this notebook I'll become a star,
The time in here maybe I'll get really far.

New writings come out of me like nothing,
People keep asking me, "If you write, do you sing?"
It's really been on my mind, could I do it?
If feel I can, just need to stop giving my voice shit.

Writing is something I do for fun and to release,
It keeps me warm like a winter fleece,
Positive poems turn into making life positive,
Negative poems cause hurt, some I don't want to live.

Right now I'm feeling happy, free, and calm,
I'd like to get my future read from my palm,
Even though the future doesn't exist. It's all now,
I'll do good now, I just lost sight, now I know how.

The ego mind always always wants a conflict,
For example, getting down on myself cause I'm an addict,
I'm a piece of shit who is bi-polar,
It doesn't matter, stop making it a coral.

:) So thankful for everything on my journey,
It made me who I am, right now I'm comfy,
So, this notebook is out to a good start,
All these writings will come from my heart.

Monday, December 6, 2010

On Top Of The World

So I'm riding on top of this world,
Writing this poetry with my fingers curled,
I'm so freaking excited to snowboard,
Old toys make me happy that I hoard.

Riding on the white snow is soon to be,
Carving right and left through every tree,
Jump off cliffs, float into the powder,
Why do skiers think I'm a coward?

I figured out that I love myself completely,
I understand "IT" but I don't, infinitely,
"Can someone spare me some love, please?"
"You already have it, just bow to your knees."

We all have "IT" within us, you know,
It's just life, so let it flow,
We all make situations so confusing,
Lets just stop this mental abusing.

God is in me, I see it every day,
Be careful with your actions and what you say,
Cause Satan can be there too, really,
He'll consume your soul, you'll be forever chilly.

I'm just writing as I feel,
Spirituality is a great deal,
To everyone and myself, I love you,
I'm on top of this world, no longer in the blue.

Friday, December 3, 2010


I am one of Christ's warriors,
I plowed through thousands of barriers,
Running wild to set them free,
They are stuck under Satan's tree.

Rapidly slicing through the devils goons,
They all look like vicious baboons,
Razor sharp teeth dripping blood,
They're just as strong as a flash flood.

I'm fighting for their freedom,
My heart is pounding like a steal drum,
Out of no where I get a bad feeling,
One of the baboons was creeping.

Hit me with his wooden club,
It was me they wanted to grub,
Out comes my guardian wolf,
Picked me up and dragged me to the gulf.

Thank you guardian, you saved me,
But I still need to save them from he,
I'm going back to fight my fight,
I don't care if I lose, I know it's right.

I grab both of my swords, stand up tall,
They all look at me like I'm small,
I will show them who is going to win,
The end of them all, I now begin.

Fallen baboons everywhere,
The last one looks at me with a stare,
He runs, scared like hell,
I went to the tree and told the people all is well.

We marched back to our city with pride,
The devil, from me, will now hide,
At least for a little while,
But for now, I have a smile.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Free Writer

Writing in a trance like a walking zombie,
My zombie's name is Robbie,
Who here knows the it,
If you do, you're full of shit.

When I say it, I'm meaning everything,
It includes birds that sing,
Who is the fellow sitting next to you?
Do you know what he's going to do?

All is one, we are the one,
It combines us all even when we're done,
Please remember your lovers,
Till you see them next, lay in your covers.

In bliss of all that is,
You accept it as your biz,
Can't we all get along,
"Come together right now over me" that song.

I'm just letting it out,
It's night time so I can't shout,
Feeling so happy today
I found out I love myself in every single way.

Let me keep writing,
Lately with writing, I've been slacking,
When will my time be
Not just me but we.

My mother just bitched at me for taking her white blanket,
She'll come down again to ask me, but I'll fake it,
Act like I'm asleep,
Won't even open my eyes a peep.

Well guys I really am going to go to sleep,
Maybe I'll see David Besley in his red jeep,
Thank you to all who read my poetry,
It means so so much to me.

Friday, November 26, 2010

My Thanksgiving, Thank You All

This Thanksgiving was an amazing experience,
I'm grateful for my friends, my alliance,
All these alcoholics sharing their experience, strength, and hope,
It helps us learn in life how we get to cope.

I'm full of happiness, joy, bliss, and love,
We all are now better beings living above,
Above our old selves, creating new lives,
In turn being ready for when God arrives.

I'm so grateful for my pup, snuggling up with others,
We are now becoming life explorers,
Living our new life to the fullest,
We realize how much we are blessed.

Why do we punish the ones who love us most?
Our parents who started out as our host,
They love us unconditionally with all their heart,
Hurting them, why, why, would I even start?

Hmmm... It just doesn't make sense,
I love them all, very dense,
I love you family, especially my mom,
Her love, why would I ever be gone?

I learned that all the answers to everything, it's within,
Starting in myself, I'll now begin,
I'll do my best for my family starting now,
Now I get to show them love, show them how.

I'm grateful for everything that's in my path,
It's my journey, it's what I hath,
Thank you for all the outstanding, breathe taking lessons,
I'm grateful for all of the rising suns.

I'm free write now and I feel great,
I still love my old mate,
She has so much bliss that overwhelms me,
She has a heart that has been set free.

You guys, I can't explain in words what you've done,
I know we all had tons and tons of fun,
Staying up till 6 AM for a meditation meeting,
I could feel in my heart, the beating.

God thank you for my friends, family, and everything in my road,
Filled with so much happiness I feel like I could explode,
Happy Thanksgiving, I love love love you all,
Now stay strong, push forward, and not fall.

It's all in your mind,
Happiness in life you shall find,
Love everyone that comes in sight,
Live life, put up a damn good fight.

I love every single one of you,
Everyone who reads I thank you, I do,
Have great Holidays that are coming,
Do your best, don't go running.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thanksgiving AA Marathon Meetings

12 A.M., Thanksgiving morning,
The spirit in this garage is soaring,
One thing we learned, freedom comes within,
Creating new results we'll now begin.

Our disease always lives within us,
Who is it that drives the bus?
Can't change the past, nor will we shut the door on it,
God kept us alive through all our shit.

We're so blessed to be in this warm garage,
Using drugs to take away the pain is a mirage,
Someone lost 30,000 dollars in 3 days,
Googled how to withdrawal from heroine the easiest ways.

Going to bed hoping not to wake up,
Snuggling with others is my pup,
Feeling shameful about hurting others,
Now we can love our moms, dads, sisters, and brothers.

Is it a test living on this earth?
Why do we punish our parents who gave us birth?
Through all the dark, we get to learn,
That our spirits are pure and will forever burn!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Pennywise The Clown

Thinking thinking thinking,
Just sitting blinking,
What words am I going to put down?
Oh shit, I just saw a clown!

His name is Pennywise,
Always has a surprise,
"Beep beep Richie,
Come here little bitchy."

Causing havoc in any neighborhood,
Nobody understood,
Why he does his evil plans,
This guy has no fans.

"Hey Georgie boy!
Come down here and get your toy!"
Georgie goes down to the sewer,
Pennywise grabs him, there's one fewer.

That evil smile makes me sick,
Any child he'll pick,
"Don't you want a balloon?"
He has a powerful tune.

Pennywise scares me, a lot,
With this silver I only have one shot,
Got to shoot him in the head,
Otherwise he won't be dead.

Shit! I missed,
Now Pennywise is pissed,
Opening up his mouth wide,
He swallows me inside.

Stuck in his belly forever,
Happy in here? Never,
Just get to wait for the next kid to try,
To shoot him in the face and make him die...

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Bi-Polar In This Moment

Blood spills as the wound opens
No one gets it, no one
The addiction goes as followed

1. Open the box of razors
2. Get the balls to do it
3. Take the razor to the skin
4. Think of what it'll do to everyone
5. Cut your skin over and over your cuts
6. Watch the blood ooze out
7. Feel comfort, knowing you control it
8. Feel paranoid
9. Clean your cuts, bandage them up
10. Wear clothing that covers up the cuts
11. Feel shame knowing you're hurting your friends and family
12. Saying you'll never do it again
13. Next day, start the cycle over

Well I'm just writing to tell you that everything's not ok,
Lately I've been thinking about suicide a lot,
Is it worth it, really, both sides
Living or dying
Sit in my room all day
Telling everyone I'm ok
But I'm not
Filled with anger and rage
I want to stab someones face in, maybe my own
Killing me slowly is what's happening
I'm not taking care of myself
I'm only living cause I don't want my family to suffer
I'd be gone if it weren't for them
So there it is, I'm just letting it out
Will I be alive tomorrow
Most likely yes
But one day, one day, I'll be dead
Till then, I'll just be in my self pity
Think about different ways to kill myself
And hate every minute I live

Pretty sure know one knows me
Not even me

One day I hope I have joy in my life
But I'll get nowhere while I sit and wallow
So maybe I need to man up and swallow
Swallow my misery and get hungry to live life
I'm ok but I'm not
I've only got one shot
To live my life
I really want a loving wife
Who loves me for me
I'll ask her to marry me under a tree

Ahh, feeling a little better already
I just need to take it steady
Maybe you understand my bi-polar now
It changes rapidly and I don't know how
Please put me in your prayers
I want to live, just not in pain
I know everyone really cares
To again take Gods name in vein
I won't, Kenny you're strong
Don't do the wrong
Of killing yourself
Suicide, even if it's inside my mind
Pray, pray, pray
Everything will pass and be ok
Smile, your worth it Kenny

Saturday, November 20, 2010


Blood runs out of these cuts,
The knife I used now shuts,
Cutting to get away from my emotional state,
Is cutting myself my very own fate?

Blood drips down to the bathroom floor,
Knife 1, Kenny 0 is the score,
2 inches, every single one on my wrists,
More blood comes out when I squeeze my fists.

In a depression over the beautiful one,
All I see is darkness, there is no sun
Aches in my body cause my heart is broken,
In my ear, the tempting devil has spoken.

Can't stop, I just keep on cutting,
This addiction of mine is so cunning,
Will I still live after this next cut?
I'm getting a woozy feeling over my body and in my gut.

Starting to loose control, I fall to the ground,
Loss of hearing, there is no sound,
My cuts run deep inside my skin,
Self-mutilation is my number one sin.

I've gone out cold, there's no stopping death now,
My light's gone out, look at me, I showed you how,
Death's messenger comes and puts his arm around my shoulder,
My name is now in the committed suicide folder.


Caught my lady cheating,
My heart stops beating,
With another white man,
His name is Dan.

"Go away you fuck,"
Man does this suck,
Three years wasted,
This bitch I dated.

Why did it happen?
Wasn't I her captain?
Did I do wrong?
Sing a sad song.

Can't figure it out,
What was this about?
My heart aches inside,
My room I'll hide.

It's been 1 year,
Still shed a tear,
I lost my dear,
Still live in fear.


So, I got something going on in my head,
IT's the answer to everything that exists,
I get so close to the answer, then I go brain dead,
IT might be time, why everyone looks at their wrists.

One time I almost caught IT,
I was so close to being at the right place at the right time,
IT's such a large answer, I can only comprehend a little bit,
When I figure IT out, there will be an explosion like a land mine.

This "IT," is so unique in it's own way,
IT tricks me, gets me thinking differently,
IT deals with infinity and the end of day,
I think God doesn't want me to figure IT out mentally.

If I were able to figure IT out,
I'd have the answers to everything,
Know what the world is all about,
I'd rule the world and I'd be king.

I've almost had IT over a hundred times,
Then every single time I just go blank,
It's way harder then figuring out those confusing mimes,
I don't even really know the question, it's #1 rank.

IT, I'll understand you before the end,
Everything and more in one is only half of you,
God, let IT open up and transcend,
IT, you're IT, I'm going to watch what you do.

My Little Bro

Yo, my little brothers name is Tim,
Honestly, I wish I could be just like him,
Mother fucker broke his back and still boards,
Screams like a banshee while others play the cords.

He has a beautiful girlfriend named Helena,
Tim is a straight up mack daddy playa,
He's doing everything I wish I could,
Doing his best in life, I wish I would.

Going to college so he can be someone,
You're doing great man, never feel dumb,
Skating and snowboarding, he just excels,
Before boarding, he just exhales.

Soon to be a chef cooking up meals,
He'll have dank food and bomb ass deals,
Rockstar, boarder, chef, and student, all I've wanted to be,
Ha Ha Ha, remember when we'd sword fight with our pee?

Tim, I look up to you so much,
Everyone loves you a bunch,
I hope I'll be a success like you someday,
I've also always got your back in anyway.

Keep up the good work, you're doing great,
Don't give up on your dreams, it's never too late,
I love you Tim, you're my little bro,
Do what your heart tells you and just go!

Friday, November 19, 2010

Can You Guess?

Da do dut, do da do da do,
Can you guess what I am, I'll give you one clue,
"Tangled Up In Blue"

Still don't know, is still a little shady?
A part of it was in the year 1980,
Clue 2: "Sentimental Lady."

Ha ha ha, you have no idea what I say,
Well it's not a skit or a play,
Clue 3: "Thoughts On A Rainy Day."

Ok ok ok, back to the start,
Magnificent sound is a big part,
Clue 4: "Affairs Of The Heart."

This one is on the mountain side,
Better get behind a large tree and hide,
Clue 5: there's a ginormous "Landslide."

Running out of the forest are a bunch of deer,
But you're not by, so don't fear,
Clue 6: I don't "Wish You Were Here."

From his voice you hear his cry's,
Listening to it gives me the best highs,
Clue 7: Girl, I love your "Brown Eyes."

Well, if you didn't get it, it's a song,
I love all music, either short or long,
Lets all listen closely and get along.

Lord Farus

To the hills! The Lord Dragon Farus is near,
He's going to burn the village, everyone, clear,
No time to save the herd, he is here!

Swooping down from the skies, Farus screams,
"I am here to take all your women teens,
Anyone in my way, I'll kill them by any means."

Everybody is hidden away in the wooded hills,
Farus is angry, he wants his women kills,
Tormenting others is how he gets his thrills.

Out of no where, a baby cry's in fear,
Farus fly's to them, from what he can hear,
Now he sees the sparkle from that babies tear.

"I've found you, now give them up!"
"No way you beast!" A little boy interrupts,
"You better leave beast, before I erupt."

Farus laughs, he sees one that he wants,
"Hey little boy, she's mine." Farus taunts,
"You're in for it now Farus!" The little boy flaunts.

Exploding in rage, the little boy grabs the dragon,
Grabbing him by his head, he shoots him like a cannon,
In the air, Farus is taken by a falcon.

Everyone cheered in relief, thanking the little boy,
"You're so very strong, how did you make Farus deploy?"
"Oh, Farus, it was easy, I just acted like he was a toy."

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Bank Robbers

I had a good day and went to work,
After work I went to see my clerk,
What he said made him a jerk.

Kenny, you're not spending your money wise,
In my head I said fuck you, and rolled my eyes,
Now another upgrade for me, he trys.

Nice try man, you're out of whack,
I just wanted to get some money back,
You guys drove me to far, I reached into my sack.

I have a gun, what's up now?
Everyone on your knees while I plow,
Plow through the bank gettin money, can't show you how.

Ya I couldn't take it anymore so I'm robbing a bank,
One man got in my way, drowned him in the fish tank,
You next, my gun I then crank.

Plow! Got that bitch in the head,
Obviously she's dead,
Now forever she'll lye in her death bed.

Shit! The cops are here,
Guys, I'm in a lot of fear,
Time for one last beer.

It's going to be a shoot off, 3 on 11,
We'll all be going to hell not heaven,
It's 4 pm and we've been here since 7.

Time to run, get out of town,
To the garage slowly going down,
We see the police and frown.

This is our chance boys, pull out your guns,
They all had shotgun kind of ones,
They all start to run.

Pow Pow Pow, shots are going off crazy,
Bill got shot in the leg and is hazy,
Get the fuck out of here Daisy!

Me and Daisy run for the car,
Behind us the police weren't far,
We could see his shinny badge star.

They shot a rocket launcher at us,
We exploded over a bus,
Upside down in pain, we cus.

You've been caught you thieves,
Jail is what you two sees,
Try to be happy, cause that's where you're gunna be's.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Little One

Dripping rain drops fall through my face,
I don't fit in, I'm not in the right place,
They treat me like I'm an inconvenience,
At least that's my experience.

When I was young I was very confused,
I felt like all my friends i loosed,
So shy, it was hard making new friends,
I felt like my friends never made it to my ends.

He's funnier, she's smarter, they're rich,
With no self-confidence,all I am is a little bitch,
Always one of the last to be picked,
I'd get super upset and ticked.

"Why won't anyone call me mommy?"
They all make fun of how I dress, I'm not pretty,
Will I ever be able to fit in?
Talking to cute girls, don't even begin.

I played so many sports so I could feel that I belong,
Never spoke up in math class, always thinking I was wrong,
Sat by myself at lunch so I would have to talk,
Back to home, alone I walk.

To all you jerks who hurt my feelings,
I hope you're disgusted with your kids beings,
I curse them with the disability to not talk to others,
And have hatred towards their sisters and brothers.

I have been greatly affected by not fitting in with the crowd,
Most of the time, I sit in my room, write and listen to music loud,
I still always feel alone even if I'm with someone,
Just leave me alone ok, I'm done, you're all dumb.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Satan's Prince

So my son, you've made the choice to come to Hell,
I'm very proud of your actions, now exhale,
You are now working for me, better do it well.

What you get to do is go tempt others for me,
Whisper lies in their ears, you, they won't be able to see,
Tempting them till they make their choice, don't leave them be.

Your first victim will be John West,
He's going insane cause he can never get any rest,
One night he'll have someone over, tell him to kill his guest.

Well done my son, John's now in jail,
He's getting crazier as he sits in his cell,
Thinking about why he killed, suffering, he'll just dwell.

If you do this next task, you'll be the prince of my kingdom,
Get the U.S. to fight for their so called freedom,
Make them kill thousands at random.

"Breaking new, the U.S. is at war with Iraq,
Hundreds of thousands dead from the U.S. killing pack,
We burn the dead Iraqi's after we put them in their body sack."

Fantastic job, you now have defeat,
I now give you your own tempting street,
Make others work for you and bow at your feet.

"I am the prince, hey you, listen to my command,
You get to be the leader of my tempting band,
Listen up, get Robert Red to bury his baby in the sand."

Monday, November 8, 2010

Ghost Writer

Who is this person writing in my journal while I sleep?
It's not me, I was counting sheep,
These writings are amazing, all of them I'll keep.

The pen flows by itself making beautiful rhymes,
I'd call the police, but these poems are no crimes,
This person, like I, has bright and dark times.

When I sleep, you just sneak on in,
Amazing writings you finish and begin,
I love your explanations of a tempting sin.

Every morning as I awake, there's a new one,
Whoever this is, they have tons of fun,
Drinking with others, all taking shots of rum.

Ghost writer of mine, can you write me some love?
Set me free from my cage like an untamed dove,
It will help me in life, I could use a little shove.

Your poetry inspires me to keep on writing,
Getting it down on paper is how I'm fighting,
When others read and smile, that's my liking.

Relating to your words, I put on a smile,
The way you put your words together is a beautiful style,
Ghost writer don't leave, won't you stay awhile?

I'm so excited for when I close my eyes,
One day I'll catch you writing sad poems, I'll hear your cry's,
Until then, keep writing about your lows and highs.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Music's Imagination

Hopping through the forest of Gala-lie,
Mr. J, how do I become free?
Free from the internal pain,
Pain of extraordinary confusion from my brain?

Listen to your music Kenny,
Free your brain, from so many,
It's your alter ego trying to fool you,
Of what's right and wrong,what to do?

Tripple vision of insane eyes,
Only two eyes show the other hides,
Third eye is Gods eyes watching your back,
He's there cause of your contract.

Live life like a rabbit in the head lights,
Everything that pushes you are your frights,
Watch out the train that's coming,
Actually Satan is arising.

Oh no, you picked the wrong path,
Now you get to deal with Satan's wrath,
You follow for a sec then say fuck it,
Run for days, you know Satan wants you and your shit.

Getting away you put on your head phones,
Led Zeppelin playing, you find stones,
Like when you were a little kid,
It was your hobby, getting dirty and rigid.

Left the dirt to go to the show,
Hearing all those rappers flow,
This music thing is doing me good,
Killing music, who the fuck would.

Capitol DOORS are very strong,
But I'm talking about The Doors band, you were wrong,
Free flowin loving life and animals,
The fire burns below with the coals.

Be grateful for you imagination,
It takes you to an amazing configuration,
Everything in life comes to one,
For me it's writing and I love to have fun!

Friday, November 5, 2010

Recovery In Sobriety

My recovery has taught me to a new way of life,
I've got to say it's amazing in every way,
Learned that I'm not a piece of shit,
Recovery is also teaching me, I don't have to cut with a knife.

There's been times when I've been rocketed into a 4th dimension,
Realized how much my higher power is doing for me,
I told my sponsor all of my secrets that ate me inside,
One of my biggest character defects is seeking attention.

Today, I can see the love my family gives to me,
I can show them love back, let them know I care,
Take care of responsibilities that I couldn't do before,
Have choices today that I respect and live by in life.

Working on my 9th step, which has re leaved me of pain,
The 4th and 5th step showed me how crazy I was,
This disease is patient, it hurts so many, it really does,
The whisper in your ear telling you to use, it's the voice of Cain.

On Thursday nights I go to a fire meeting,
I feel the spirit so strong, it's overwhelming,
Angels have been sent and saved me from Hell,
It's you guys and I that I'm no longer cheating.

When you read this poem, know all is well,
It's always been well, if not, it's how you perceive,
Please be careful with your actions and where you go,
Do your best, believe in yourself and you won't go to Hell.

The Dissipater

Raw, shi, raw, shi, raw, shi, raw,
Cling, clank, crack, cling, clank, crack,
The Dissipater, you just heard and saw,
You better not turn your back.

She'll grab you by the hair on your head,
Pull you esophogus out of your throat,
Torture you, but won't let you be dead,
Her sign is the possesed goat.

Screaming in pain, you just hear her laugh,
"Please let me go, I have a family that needs me,"
"Shut the fuck up you little punk." She slams you with her staff,
Knocked out, ties you to a bed, won't leave you be.

Sticking needles in you, you start to cry,
Puts a block between your ankles and crushes them in,
"Ahhhh! You Bitch!" "I love it when you sigh."
Slitting open your stomache slowly, you then do the worst sin.

You take her knife, "I'm fucking done!"
You cut your throat open, start to die,
Your last words, "Bitch you don't get to have any more fun."
Open your eyes, It's just a dream, "That dream you had, I don't know why."

Peace In Chaos

There's a smile on my face today,
Suffering through hardships is how I get to pay,
Pay others with my experience, able to help them out,
"I've been there too bud, I know what it's all about."

Helping others puts me in a state of bliss,
When I'm happy, sadness i don't miss,
Depression puts me in the darkest hole alive,
Sitting in comfort, also pain, living I don't thrive.

Fought 8 doctors for 15 minutes in rage,
Got tied to the bed, trapped in a cage,
Heart beating 100 miles per hour,
Passed out, woke up in a psyche ward, I was sour.

I helped someone out the other day,
He was in a depression, this is what I did say,
"Pray, meditate, write, slow down, I know how it feels,
Get back on your horse, soon life will give you better deals."

I feel there's peace in chaos absolutely,
Sharing my chaos could help someone flee,
Flee from their chaos, in return getting peace of mind,
Life's a journey, hopefully soon, peace I will find.

Your Lies

If you took your own direction,
If only you practiced what you preached,
You wouldn't be giving this false affection,
You wouldn't have so many terrible guys leeched.

All you do is tell these made up lies,
In return you always get the wrong guys,
If you did what you told others,
You wouldn't have to hide under your covers.

But you won't stop your insane actions,
From this, your life is leaving you in fractions,
If you were honest, everything would be ok,
Still not stopping, you suffer every day.

From your mouth comes verbal venom
It effects every ending sum,
Hurting so many, it starts to wear,
No worries though, you don't even fucking care.

You lied to me, I hope you fucking rot,
I don't care if you get ran over and are caught,
Stop these painful words you give,
It's making me cut and not want to live.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

My Tattoos

6 tattoos on the body,
I just figured out I'm a hottie,
People ask to see,
I take my shirt off and they see me physically,
One the families last name,
This is real shit, no game,
Second, the Led Zeppelin Angel,
Always has my back, won't go to hell,
Third is my tribal,
Stand strong, never fall,
Fourth Judas Priest evil Angel,
Death upon us all is his sell,
Fifth, Tangled Up In Blue,
This one's for suicide, what I did do,
Sixth, my wolves,
Got it done Thursday, that was great,
Paid with those green dollar cloves,
All my tattoos have meanings, they're not fake.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

To A Fabulous Friend

This woman is an amazing one,
For me, she's always been there,
Ever since junior high we've had so much fun,
It rocked when she had dreads in her hair.

Kallie is such a sweet heart,
The love she gives to me is unbelievable,
Very wise, very smart,
Kallie, nothing in life is unachievable.

Kallie, you are one of the truest friends I've ever had,
You've been there for me through hard times,
You have an amazing body, nothing about it is bad,
Wrongs you've done, they're no crimes.

This is from my heart when I say this,
You're an amazing, lovable person,
Can I do anything for you mis,
I'll be by your side when life does worsen.

Baby, you're beautiful,
Body of a goddess,
Remember to be careful,
Not to be inappropriate, I'd love to see you topless.

Kallie, honestly you bring joy in my life,
Don't listen to others negativity towards you
I know one day you'll be a loving mother and wife,
Live your life to the fullest, don't live in blue.

Anyways, just wanted to write to tell you I love ya,
Call me whenever you feel like it,
If someone's mean, fuck um, their lost huh,
Don't follow others, do your own shit.

From your friend who will always care,
You're absolutely breath taking,
Between you and me it's confidential, I'd never share,
I love you as a best friend, I'm not faking.

Kallie, you've been an amazing friend and I thank you for that,
Just so you know, I will always have your back,
Keep pushing forward and you will win,
Love ya tons babe, hope this poem isn't a sin.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Friend Chief Indian

So I know this kid, Chief Indian,
He loves walking Ace the dog in the canyon,
Has no crazy feathers in his hair,
With this kid, anything I could share.

For his first time eating mushrooms, he was with me,
One good time we threw snowballs at knots on a tree,
I can feel his pleasant presence always,
Me and this kid have had great fuckin days.

The Indian so honors his family,
He loves them, this I can see,
True to his friends, he'll never tell a lie,
Once we found a golden leaf when we were high.

Las Vegas, man I'll never forget,
Watched strippers while they were on the set,
Ya, shit, I got fake weed and coke,
First we were mad, then looked at it as a joke.

He has so much love, has a huge heart,
I've got this kids back, so don't even start,
Honestly, I think we'll be friends till the very end,
So much patience with others, I can't comprehend.

Oh ya man, you and me are what we call AKC,
You're one of my best friends and always will be,
Thanks for being true, and being you man,
Anything in life you want, know you can.

Micheal Myers

Haunting every victim that he greets,
His old ragged house is where he meets,
Halloween is his killing night,
He'll find you, you're always in his sight.

Run as fast as you can down the stairs,
Scared as hell, what's standing? Your arm hairs,
Run to the kitchen, he's right behind you!
Stabbing you with his butchers knife is what he'll do.

You got out of the house to get away,
But this is not the finish of his play,
You go to the police station, praying someone's there,
As you walk in, there is fresh blood everywhere.

Micheal obviously got there first,
Your time to die, Micheal's kills are the worst,
Running to the basement cause there's nowhere else to go,
Made the wrong move, damn does that blow.

Sitting in the dark, you hope your not found,
All you can do is hold your breath and hope he's not around,
Look to the left, look to the right, you see his knife,
You scream! Now Micheal wants your life.

He grabs you by the neck, slams you against the wall,
Cuts your Achilles tendons so you have to crawl,
Stabs you numerous times in the back and heart,
Next victim, it's his time to start.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

From Space To Dinosaurs

Rushing thoughts travel through my head,
In a trance of beautiful music,
The thoughts slow down when I go to bed,
What's this music that I pick?

I always get a message sent,
This one's telling me to be optimistic,
The beat's so fast, I don't know where it went,
What are they doing, is it a trick?

Don't know what I'm really thinking,
Where am I now, is it real?
So in awe, I just sit blanklessly blinking,
Smooth comfort is what I feel.

The bass rumbles through my brain,
Close my eyes, bob my head back and forth,
Now in a dark cart on this music train,
The train I'm sitting on is heading north.

"Tommy The Bat," is the name of the song,
Goes with how I'm feeling at the moment,
Infected Mushroom's not doing me wrong,
Now the track ripples, is it bent?

Boom, boom, boom, boom, stars shoot out,
Tracers appear, they are all yellow,
Traveling time and space in a roundabout,
Passing through rocks and stars, a floating dog says hello.

Aw ha, this song is a virtual voyage,
What is next to be seen?
This music's intense, it's ravage,
The number I'm thinking of is 14.

Rocket science, Bill Nye, chemistry class,
All pop into my head as I listen,
Swirling in a cloud of black mass,
Rapturous thoughts start to begin.

Running like a raptor, I then spit venom,
You cannot hide from me, can't you see,
If you need meat, I'll get you some,
What do I see, a terridactol in the tree.

That's my victim, you just wait a sec,
Bit down on his neck, dragged him down,
I thought I killed him, what the heck,
Then I rammed him with my solid bone crown.

Dead, that's right you terridactol,
Spit on his body, left him for the flies,
I tore apart his body, he was not whole,
Hey I got you your meat guys, aren't I wise?

From space to dinosaurs, what a trip,
I don't even have to eat mushrooms to get this,
It was fun traveling one the evil pirate ship,
There was no one as my accomplice.


Everything in my past brought me here now,
Sitting at the Alano Club writing poems,
Why is it that writing makes me feel free?
Feeling free is nice, so I write as much as I can.

In the past there's been lots of twists and turns,
At the time I never understand why,
Why I'm going through this pain and suffering,
It's so in the future I can relate and act more smart.

Besides the twists and turns, there's escalating times,
That's when things go great and I learn from joy,
Like learning if I'm happy, it affects everyone,
My energy is so powerful, it can cause love or havoc.

After escalating so high, it's obvious it goes back down,
That's the scary part, but that's when I learn the most,
The lower I go, the more I get to climb back up,
Falling hurts, but I get to stand up and fight back.

On this roller-coaster I call life,
I never know what's coming around the corner,
So scary and exciting, I get anxious to know what's next,
Never looking back cause, I won't be ready for what's ahead.

One this ride, right now I'm escalating,
Just learned from a decline, but I made it through with only a few cuts,
Whats on the ride next? I don't know,
But I'm buckled in and ready for any twist or turn.


I wish I could trust everyone alive,
But I can't, there's so many sick out there,
Trusting everyone, I don't think the time will arrive,
One's I do trust, with them, anything I can share.

Being able to be honest with someone is amazing,
Knowing I can trust someone re-leaves some stress,
Not having a secret inside is a blessing,
Keeping secrets inside makes me a mess.

Having others trust me is an honor,
That trust is a big responsibility,
Most people trust me like I trust my father,
Keeping their words to myself is an important capability.

I know that I'm trustworthy, it's in my blood,
If others don't trust me, that's ok,
You can pore it out on me, even if it's a huge flood,
I'll be there for you any and everyday.

Trusting someone makes me feel at peace,
Not trusting, I don't feel safe, don't feel real,
I told my sponsor all my secrets, it made me feel at ease,
Others secrets I'll never let anyone steal.

If I trust you, it's a really big deal,
If you trust me, I'll honor what you say,
I know I can trust God, It's an unbreakable seal,
I'll keep my trust true, every single day.

Friday, October 22, 2010

David Besleys Spirit

On October 20th I had a dream,
I know why I had it, I know what it does mean,
David came to visit me in my sleep,
It was for comfort, not to just reap.

Started out with me in a school,
This dream has become an important tool,
Then I just fainted or passed out,
Woke up in a jeep, what is this dream about?

I turned to the left to see who was driving,
It was David, he was smiling,
I was so happy to see him there,
David said he has something for me to share.

"Sorry, but aren't you supposed to be dead?"
"I'm here spiritually not physically, it's all in your head,"
I asked David lots of questions,
He told me I need to be careful with my actions.

We talked for quite a long time,
Asked him how life was, what I should do with mine,
"Have faith and know everything will be ok,
There's another life, but it's not your time or day."

Then he said he had to go,
I thanked him for everything he did show,
"I'll be by your side Kenny, always,"
I watched him leave, his body fades.

I had this dream to reassure me I'd be ok,
October 22nd is my suicide attempt day,
David let me know my life's worth living,
I have a lot of experience that's worth giving.

I'm so grateful for this eye opening experience,
David will always be with me in my sub-conscience,
"Thank you David for visiting me,
You opened my eyes and set my soul free."

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Meds Suck

What am I taking to supposedly get happy?
Honestly they make me feel tired and crappy,
They mellow me out, bull shit,
I'm so sick of taking them, fuck it.

If I stop taking them, I'll get kicked out,
I'm usually pissed off or sad and want to shout,
I'm pretty sure I'm getting all the side effects,
Helps out a lot with my character defects.

As I swallow them down with water,
This one is an anti-stressor,
How about a mood stabilizer,
"Yes Kenny, this one's an endorphin riser."

What do they do? They make me a zombie,
Or crazy angry and I'm beastly,
Tired as hell, can't stay awake,
Every single smile I give is fake.

Honestly, I think they are making me worse,
Just as dead as the man in the hearse,
"Oh let's just up the dose, you'll be fine,"
What are all these chemicals doing in my bloodline?

I wish I didn't have to take meds,
I'm so sick of feeling like I have two heads,
But whatever, I'll keep taking them,
Even though I still cause mayhem.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I Don't Want To Have My Mental Illness Rule My Life

Lately I've been a wreck,
I act out cause I want attention,
All of it is negative attention,
Why do I do this? Am I sick?

I pretty much rule over my family,
If I'm doing good then they are good,
If I'm doing bad, their lives are so affected,
Why do I have so much power over them?

I just went through a break up,
Started cutting deep again,
I like the feeling of physical pain so much more than the mental,
It feels good taking the razor to my skin.

Bi-polar and depression have been ruling my life,
I know it's not who I am,
It's just something I deal with,
But hell, why do I let this define me most of the time?

Maybe if I get off meds I'll be ok,
Or, life could get way out of hand,
I tried before and that was a failure,
I think I need to change my meds.

Maybe change psychiatrists, cause the one I have just ups the dosage,
I'm just confused, I always overreact,
I don't know why, but I let it take over,
Am I weak, or do I just not have faith in myself?

All I can think of is her, and it hurts,
When I see her I always want to cry,
I hear her laugh and I think of how to die,
Why do I let such little things affect me so much?

God, everyday I pray that I'll be ok,
Half the time it works,
The other half I'm just depressed,
Why can't you take it away for good?

I know if I do my best, life will get better,
But sitting in self-pity feels good for some reason,
I need some advice, could you help?
I just want to live a normal life.

I'm sorry family for ruining so many of your days,
I don't mean to, it's just how the tape plays,
Tomorrow's a new day, I hope I succeed,
I don't want to cut myself anymore and bleed.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

My Little Angel

Lily, you're my little angel,
Your laugh is like the sound of a beautiful bell,
Your presence is absolutely breath taking,
When you smile I know you're not faking.

You couldn't be a better little sister,
You're so fun to play with, you're a little trickster,
You bring joy and happiness to my heart,
Ya little stinker, you've always got a better fart.

You've made our family better in so many ways,
It's funny when you repeat what your big brother says,
You're amazing Lily and that's a fact,
Whenever you need me, I've always got your back.

You're so cool Lily, my little sis,
When you're not around, it's you I miss,
It's so hard to see you cry when you're sad,
You're a perfect little girl, nothing about you is bad.

It's so cool how fast you learned to swim,
Your big brothers are Henry, Kenny, and Tim,
You're our sister, and we'll always love you,
I love how you put 100 percent in everything you do.

Lily, your family loves you so, so, much,
If anyone picks on you, it'll be me giving them a punch,
Lily, let me know if there is anything I can do,
Love you Lily, and i know you'll always love me too.

My Big Brother

Henry, you're my big brother and always will be,
You've got so much passion for life, it inspires me,
Who was there every time I need help? You,
You mean so much to me, same with Tim and Lily too.

Your my big brother, I look up to you,
I loved it when we'd play The Simpson's Clue,
Risk, I hated cause you'd always win,
You're like Batman, I'm like Robin.

Your art is amazing, it gives me chills,
How do you do it? So what if you're not good with bills,
You're good at this game we call life,
Brynne is awesome, maybe someday she'll be your wife.

You're almost done with college, that's crazy,
It was fun when we'd drink and were both hazy,
Volleyball, it's been so cool to play on your team,
Your Ora is like a beautiful, blue, bright beam.

Henry, I wouldn't have anyone else as my older brother,
I know one day you'll be a loving and caring father,
Your future is looking pretty damn good,
Anything for you man, I would.

You mean so much to me, I want to be like you,
You're the best big brother, I really love you, I do,
Keep us the good work, your life is worth a ton more than a penny,
Like you've been there for me, I am for you, love your brother Kenny.

Whose Will Will I Choose?

I surrender to you, all mighty God,
My will no longer works, I need yours,
This is so important, I know you understand,
My life's gone to shambles, Help.

My will has gotten me in horrible places,
Cutting, attempting suicide, drugs, and more,
My will doesn't seem to work right,
Can I barrow yours? With it I'll put up a fight.

Your will working through me is astonishing!
I can put in a hard days work today,
Be happy, laugh, serve others, and love me,
I couldn't do it without you.

My will is not spiritual, it kills others spirituality,
Physically, I'll punch till their face is gone,
Mentally, yell at others till they cry uncontrollably,
Altogether, my will is Satan destroying mine and others lives.

Let you will work through me,
I'll change the world for the better,
Hey! I just figured out I already have it,
I've been doing so great and that's it.

I surrendered and you instantly acted,
I want to go tell the whole world,
Your will feels so good, I can't believe it,
I will change from who I've been, I know you've always got my back.
Thank you for your will God, I'll put it to good use.


Caught in a moment of silence,
What does it mean?
Everything at that time is one,
One with the universe, one with us all.

This silence is awkward, yet so calming,
Why does someone always seem to break it?
Can't we all be one for more than a second?
I guess not, it's not meant to be, at least yet.

Why is it when I'm alone is it silent?
I know there is more than just me there,
There's spirits, I just can't see or hear them,
Maybe cause I'm not silent in my brain.

When will I be able to hear those spirits?
Can I already? I just don't recognize it,
I'm supposed to learn from this silence,
But what, is it peace and harmony?

Past silence brought me to open my eyes,
To see what's happening and learn from it,
You don't have to hear something to now it's true,
Writing that, I guess silence is truth.

If silence is truth, what is noise?
Cause there seems to be a lot of it, even in my head,
I want this silence in my life forever,
I'll have to listen for it, wait till the noise is gone.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Where Will I Go?

The rocky pit of Hell now consumes my soul,
At least for the moment. I have a hole,
In my heart, it aches inside,
It's right now that I have to decide.

To work on me being happy and loving me,
If i do this, I know I'll be set free,
Not to, I'll stay in this misery of thinking,
I don't want to be a miserable human being.

What do I see? I'm perfect in my own way,
Or be sad, and Hell is where I'll stay,
If that's what i choose, you won't see the real me,
But choosing happiness is where I'm supposed to be.

Now to explain my Hell, I'm rotting every second,
My mind, body, and soul, up for grabs is recond,
Evil in my eyes, hatred in my heart,
The true me I am no longer a part.

My Heaven is me having peace and bliss,
Every negative experience and thought I won't miss,
I'll be true to myself and others around,
My mind, body, and soul will have been found.

Where to go? It's hard to choose but not,
Heaven or Hell? In this life I've only got one shot,
It's all or nothing, either way I'll give it my all,
Stand up tall and push forward, or I'll give up and fall.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Drug Effects

Mary Jane, now this one is great,
It causes you to laugh hysterically,
Look at life positively,
Get the munchies and pig out,
Ha ha ha, look at your chinked, red eyes!

Wait, it also causes you to loose brain cells,
You can become very lazy and just sit at home,
Did you know the highest suicide rate after quitting any drug is marijuana?

Mushrooms, now these were my favorite,
Hallucinate, see anything you want to see,
Laugh or cry uncontrollably,
Feel you're one with the universe,
Think like you've never thought before.

I heard it makes your brain bleed, but that could be a lie,
Once i cracked my fingers and I thought they all broke,
Also thought stuff was in my throat and I would start to choke.

Cocaine, now this one, damn I felt good,
The rush through your body gets you goin,
Get the drips and it's back in full effect,
I was invincible, I could do anything,
Did it with a girl, and I got lucky,
If you know what I mean!

Oh my, I had a friend who had to have surgery cause her nose collapsed,
Sometimes people won't eat for days on end,
When you come down, it sucks a nut,
All you want is more and more.

Heroine this is a drug I didn't do,
I've seen people though,
They would go numb,
Feel fucking great.

I don't know what else is good,
My friend would spend 500 dollars a day,
He'd fuck over his family to get it in any way,
People lie, cheat, and steal so they can get one more fix,
My friend lost his soul,
He looked like the living dead.

Drugs have shown me a different way of life,
Is that good or bad?
I've had great times,
I'll have memories I'll never forget,
Drugs are great, they opened my mind.

Because of drugs,
I've lost thousands of dollars,
Jail was fun,
I hurt my family numerous times,
It's caused me a lot of heart ache,
Friends have died and will keep dying.

Looking at some of the effects,
Would you do drugs?

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Starting Over

Everything I see reminds me of you,
Anywhere we went, anything we would do,
I ache as I go through these past memories,
All I can feel is our old energies.

Today as I awake, I pray,
Asking to see life differently I portray,
Am I capable of not living in the past?
God, help me get rid of this cast.

As I walk down the same old street,
I remember, that's where we'd meet,
Today, I feel as if I'm fine,
Usually I would whine.

That's weird, what's happening to me?
Oh wow, there's that old tree,
Together we'd sit and enjoy each other,
Look, a bird, there's one and there's another.

Aww, the movie theater,
Now it's positive emotions that occur,
Where did the negative ones go?
"Kenny, this is mine, not your show."

Oh ok, that's awesome, thanks a lot God,
"Your welcome Kenny, but this is your ballade."
So you're saying everything is my choice?
"Yes son." Hell ya! I'll be happy now, rejoice!

Now, I live in the present moment,
The smell of roses are potent,
The day is beautiful, I can breathe,
What's that? I can smile and show my teeth!

This poems to me, to help me see,
I live for myself right now, not we,
I can start over everyday,
I can be happy every single way.

I love me, I love me, I LOVE ME!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

A New Life

Kenny, don't beat yourself up, you're still young,
There's plenty of fish in the sea,
What happened was for a good cause, trust me,
This is your spirit writing through you, believe.

Believe that there is a new life to be lived,
Tomorrow is a new day, you can start over,
What happened today, tomorrow it'll be done with,
So put your head up high, reach for the sky.

Your life is meant to be lived in happiness,
You're the only one who can take care of your wellness,
Leave behind the negative that's within,
Do your best everyday and you will win.

So what if you're bi-polar, your human,
Stop being a little boy and be a man,
Everyone goes through hard times, it's life,
Have faith that one day you'll find a beautiful wife.

Don't overreact to anything that goes the wrong way,
It's how God has put it in your life, ACCEPT IT,
If you do, your life will be 10 times easier,
I know you want it.

Be strong, don't give in to Satan's temptations,
I know it's hard but know you can overcome,
All it is, is that evil whisper in your head,
Be careful, that evil spirit wants you dead.

What are you going to do now Kenny?
I'm going to stop overreacting, have faith in myself,
Know that everything is in its right place,
Fight against Satan face to face.

I'll have faith in myself, do the right things,
Do my best, cause i deserve the best,
Push forward, even if it's just an inch,
I won't back down, not for anyone or anything.

Heaven can only help the ones who act,
So get up in the morning and know it's going to be a good day,
But on your boots and get to work Kenny Smith,
Life's worth living, so go for it!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


Confusing, it's the word that gets me everyday,
Huh, wait, is that what you said?
I understood your words but misunderstood the sentence,
If I'm Catholic and she's Mormon, why can't we play?

Why do so many dislike the lesbian and gay?
It's their lives, their choice,
We all make choices, why aren't we all equal?
Loving all, I do my best to show in every way.

He said, she said, that it said, "What?"
Can't we all be straight forward and honest,
Why do we make up new lies that have to make sense with old lies?
The answer to your question is this, but.

God, now he, she, it or whatever it is, people cause havoc,
So many wars because of others beliefs of God,
Don't you know God loves all his children?
Why do most Americans, even I, hate almost every Hispanic?

Loved ones die, I just can't comprehend,
Why isn't it the ones who rape and kill?
I know this, their sins are not Gods will,
What is it like, death, infinity, the end?

There is so much more confusing things to me,
I'll just stop thinking, be happy, wait pissed, huh bored,
Shit, I'm confused once again, ah piss,
Hope it make sense, if not, let it be.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Why Is It I Want To Die?

Why is it i want to die right now?
My life is fine but to live happy right now don't know how,
Can one of you people who read help me,
Just write something that will set me free.

Is there anyone out there who wants to die too,
Get hit by a car, someone please do,
Why am I not grateful for what I have?
To the heart I have felt a stab.

I just don't understand, can you please help me out,
I'm not worth while it seems, this is my cry, my shout,
I don't want to work the rest of my life to have to get by,
I'd rather just give up and just die.

Why do I have depression and bi-polar?
It makes my life such a coral,
I wish I could just be happy all the time,
Feel like I'm just acting like a mime.

Somebody who cares let me know,
I want my energy to again glow,
Why should I live long when I'm just going to die?
6 feet under is where I feel I lye.

Someone let me know that you care,
I need some wisdom, please share,
I feel like I want to die soon,
My life will end like if you were to pop a balloon.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Wait, Read!

The full moon has risen,
Tonight is the night i come out to feed,
On what you ask,
To feed on my new way of living.

How, is your next question,
By changing my actions to do better,
Stop my negative thinking,
Live my life to the fullest.

What can i do better at,
Work, that's for sure,
Treating my family like they should be treated,
Being kind to myself, stop hurting.

The moon causes me to go through different phases,
And this moon is special, it's a gift,
From who? God of course,
Tonight it's shined so bright, so vivid.

To those who read I honestly thank you,
Writing poetry is what i love to do,
Maybe I don't have your answer,
But you do, inside yourself, you have all the power.

So, with this new full moon you can start over too,
Do what you want to do, make it count,
You can start over every sunset,
Or keep moving forward, do your best!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


I hate myself, I'm the biggest piece of shit,
I'm a chicken, problems arise, I just run from it,
No confidence in myself, people I don't talk to,
Feelings of worthlessness, always in the blue.

Hate life, every night I think of how to die,
Suicide three times, so hard i did try,
In my room i cut because of the guilt and shame,
Always fucking up, it's I, I choose to blame.

In my deep dark hole, comfort from it i sit,
My face I hate, every little single bit,
I'm fat and ugly, no one likes me, even me,
So many times I've wanted to hang from that god forsaken tree.

Suicides I attempted, why the fuck didn't they work,
Want to be in Hell, have Satan as my clerk,
Always in self-pity, life, just fucking end,
I hate you all, I'm part of no fucking trend.

Always alone weather I'm with you or not,
My temper is outrageous, I get extremely hot,
If I could get away with it, I'd kill you all,
Life, I never succeed, every single time I just fall.

When you read this I hope you fucking cry,
Feel the pain I feel every time I want to die,
Now you know, every part of me i so god damn hate,
I cannot wait until the end, my very own fate.

What you just read is the evil that is within,
But now I'm so happy, here it is, let's begin!

Not afraid of anything, I rise up from the underground,
Loving everyone in sight, also everything that's around,
What's on my face? A smile, never that sad frown,
I have confidence in myself, no one can put me down.

I choose to love myself because i am great,
You people I love, I will never hate,
Worthlessness and self-pity, huh? They don't exist,
I' so freaking happy, shit I'm never piste.

My laugh is hysterical, rubs off on others,
I love my mom, dad, sisters, and brothers,
Living life to the fullest I now choose,
I have faith in God, I'll never loose.

Take care of responsibilities, care for my family,
Help others when they're in need, I'm friendly,
Don't think of suicide cause that's the easy way out,
I'll live my life cause I want to see what it's about.

If I mess up I can give myself a break,
I'm true to my friends, I'm never fake,
Through everything it's me who will be by your side,
The most caring, loving person, you'll never have to hide.

As you read, you may cry, make them tears of joy, I'm alive,
Pushing forward I feel you and I will forever strive,
That tree i talked about, It's actually beauty,
Now that being said, don't worry, cause guess what? I love me for me!

Friday, September 17, 2010

Fuck It

In the playground, tied the noose around my neck,
These fucked up thoughts and feelings no longer in check,
Family and friends, don't care if you're in pain,
Feel my evil spirit, I say Gods name in vein.

Out to the garage, I turn on the car,
Carbon monoxide, I will die, get away so far,
As i lye by the exhaust, breathe in the filthy air,
It was death on my mind, life, i didn't care.

Take pills and prescriptions, drink the alcohol down,
In Mexico I attempted suicide, didn't work, I did frown,
Woken up by friends, they asked why, fucking why,
Filled with anger and rage, all i could do was cry.

The gun to my head, I blew my fucking brains out,
Because i hated life, didn't know what it was about,
They walked in and saw my blood splattered on the wall,
My mother first, out of sadness, to her knees she did fall.

100 Tylenol, 2 prescriptions of Trazedone, I wanted to go,
In the shower slit my wrist, the blood did soever flow,
Why'd that mother fucker save my life,
I did it cause of a woman i wanted to be my wife.

All are things I've done or wanted to do,
The people who saved me, I fucking hate you,
One of these days I will do it right,
I'm so excited for when i see the black light.

My God

God to me is a very wise, powerful spirit,
Multiple times God saves my life, puts up with my shit,
Has the power to put guardian angels by my side,
So loving and accepting, from him i now not hide.

Saved me from Satan, I know Gods always got my back,
Has more strength than a killing wolf pack,
As I pray, all negative thoughts, he clears my mind,
Opened up my eyes so I am no longer blind.

Anytime I call upon him, I feel his presence,
Gives me peace of mind, gave me a beautiful conscience,
Blessed me with the gut feeling to tell right from wrong,
Put music on earth so man can make a beautiful song.

Anyone who curses his name, he loves them anyway,
Gave us the sun and moon, their beauty we see everyday,
The blue sky and bright stars make me really see,
All together it's not me it's actually we.

Thunder and lightning, cry's of God doth rain,
The pain and sins we create, he washeth away,
Suicides i tried and that were attempted,
Cause of him, they were attempted, not committed.

I'm crying tears as I write cause I know he loves me,
One day in heaven with him I shall be,
My soul up there will be pure, truth he'll give us all,
If i follow him and do my best, I will never, ever fall.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Coming Of Christ

Can't believe how many times I've put Christ down,
He's the man with the golden white crown,
I'm writing this cause i feel guilty ragging on his name,
Why I don't know, nailed to the cross he took all the blame.

Rising from down under, this God's not dead,
Evil leaves my body as he puts his hands upon my head,
Fed the homeless and starving when they were in need,
This God has not once done a horrible deed.

As rocks are thrown, all he does is stand and love,
He is never hurt, his sign is the pure white dove,
Wicked Satan trys to fight this powerful god,
Christ explodes back, slamming his golden rod.

Satan falls to his knees in absolute shock,
Satan pulled out his gun, but it wouldn't cock,
By the power of God, I sentence you back to hell,
You'll be in there for eternity, now go rot in your cell.

All the good and evil thanked Christ for their lives,
All repented for their sins, evil ones dropped their knives,
Christ said, "You're all ok, you're all children of mine,
Have faith and choose the right, you'll be fine."

God, I'm sorry for saying your name in vein,
It's just i get these confusing temptations from Cain,
So i hope you can accept this poem as an apology,
Thank you God, I know you'll always be there for me.

Monday, September 13, 2010



I will meet you in the next life, I promise you,
Soon the feelings of loneliness will leave you too,
You are not alone, I'm right here, you just can't see,
I'm right here, feel my love, and God will set you free.

Soon we'll even be together, I promise you,
Comfort is soon to come, gets you out of the blue,
Leave your human form and come to my arms,
All the bad will leave you, you'll have no harms.

I will wait until then in heaven, I promise you,
You'll have an amazing life, you can choose what you do,
There's so many fighting to get passed the pearly gates,
Half of them don't get through for sins he creates.

Laughter and joy will fill your heart, I promise you,
Your faith will be so strong, the devil you can easily shoo,
Now you have your wings, where ever you want, fly,
Over the heavens you feel serenity, then a joyful cry.

You and I will always be together, I promise you,
Our spirits make new life, we are the beautiful two,
Negative thoughts that our brains do cause,
Peace will come, and the evil plots will pause.

Love will save us all, I promise you,
All these things I say, will come true,
When we leave this world, this terrible zoo,
I'll be with you forever, I promise you.

Who I Want To Be

Who I Want To Be

Is a man who has been set free,
To have kids, I would like three,
I use to want to be an astronomer,
Then it went to a professional snowboarder.

Now today i want to be a therapist,
Help anyone with suicide, and to resist,
Make them want to live and have a life,
Teach them tools so they don't use the knife.

Reach all my goals to one hundred percent,
My God to me, to have been sent,
To be sober until the very end,
My path to not or only little bend.

A man who can pay his bills on time,
My spirituality everyday to climb and climb,
Have my heart and soul truly be mine,
Not do my will, but have faith and do thine.

Be a good sponsor with knowledge of the program,
No longer follow the upside down pentagram,
Have faith that my life is worth living,
Not worry about receiving but concentrate on giving.

Be a man of my wife's wildest dreams,
Maybe coach volleyball or wrestling teams,
Still have the desire to be physically fit,
Bi-polar and depression, no longer be a victim of it.

I hope to be my kids number one hero,
With the football or baseball, teach them to throw,
Have a relationship with my family that is only love,
My wife, my love, I will not ever shove.

Live long, be successful, old, and very wise,
No longer wear a mask, be real, and not disguise,
Be true to my friends and never tell a lie,
" A Tout Le Monde" played at my funeral when i die.

When it is over, be with God wherever he is,
When up there, be a teacher and student of his,
Have a beautiful pair of wings of my own,
Then to finally sit by God on his thrown.

Suicide (Suicide Of Mine Is The Finished Page Of This One)

The Tylenol makes my stomach rumble,
Next trazedone which makes me stumble,
"Tangled Up In Blue" is how i felt that day,
To choose death, I thought was the way.

Next I stepped into that evil shower,
Slit my wrist again and again was the power,
All my cuts I thought they were done,
No, i had to cut again inside the middle one.

Lying down in comfort, I loose the red blood,
From these cuts it was a bloody flood,
Standing up just to fall back down,
It was then i could feel evils crown.

As i sit, it is Satan who comes in,
The evil thoughts and laughs start to begin,
Feeling his presence right by my side,
No where to run, no where to hide.

With the loss of blood, I had no control,
Of my body, or over my beautiful soul,
Second by second I feel myself start to die,
Wanting to live, I didn't even try.

I started to shake, the water had gone cold,
The hour and a half in there I thought I was sold,
It was freezing cold water, had to get out,
Slipping and falling as i tried to stand about.

Wanting to get warm, I grabbed my black towel,
Next part of the story was my biggest foul,
I lost my balance and put my left hand down,
Fell again and again, blood everywhere, I did frown.

This literally was my hell on earth,
My life i felt was not worth,
All the sudden there were bangs on the door,
My heart then sunk to the deep core.

Unlock this door or I'm busting it open,
Thirty seconds to unlock, he was in,
Where in the hell did all the blood come from,
Showed him my wrist, I felt dumb.

He asked why i had done it,
So much blood loss, couldn't say shit,
Wrapped me in a blanket, carried me to my car,
Death I did know, it was not far.

One thing that might have saved me,
I wanted heat, but Josh turned on the AC,
As we arrived he ran for the wheelchair,
Rushed me into the hospital, started to blare.

Doctors came and saved me from hell,
Said close your eyes, all is well,
Why I was saved I'll never know,
But pushing forward I shall go.

Lady Lucifera

Lady Lucifera

Lady Lucifera, with the black flames in her eyes,
Lady Lucifera, with an evil, sexy, disguise,
Lady Lucifera, fakes out everyone that she meets,
Calling all evil to be with her for every person that she greets.

Lady Lucifera, she is pissed of at the world,
Lady Lucifera, nails and knifes are what she hurled,
Lady Lucifera, will take your soul right from your heart,
Hurting, killing, and fucking all, is her kind of art.

Lady Lucifera, is the queen of all the damned,
Lady Lucifera, will always be on Satan's left hand,
Lady Lucifera, may torture anyone who doesn't please,
Feel the pain from her whip as you bleed on your knees.

Lady Lucifera, hear her sweet voice in your ear,
Lady Lucifera, speaks the tempting lies that you hear,
Lady Lucifera, will diminish all good that is around,
Watch this evil Goddess rise up from the underground.

Lady Lucifera, you can't help but not resist,
Lady Lucifera, from her lips you have been kissed,
Lady Lucifera, her kiss puts you into a shock,
Now you're just as helpless as a mouse is to a hawk.

Lady Lucifera, she now has you on her side,
Lady Lucifera, from her you'll never be able to hide,
Lady Lucifera, you are now under her command,
Because you followed her you are stuck in her quicksand.

The One Who Shall Win

The One Who Shall Win

Ascending from the clouds, He saves your soul,
Takes you away from the firey, burning hole,
You hit your knees and did repent,
The angel Gabriel has now been sent.

Through the fire Gabriel will fight,
He won't give up till you're in his sight,
The demons are strong, but he shall win,
Soon the fight with satan shall begin.

It started with a slice from Satans knife,
But nothing happened, for Gabriel has infinite life,
Strong swings from Gabriels axe,
Satan bleeds to death from his powerful hacks.

Left of Satan are but his strands,
Gabriel finishes him with God in his hands,
He now sees you where it's not bright,
Suddenly from the shadows comes his light.

Following behind him, he shows you the path,
Leaving from you, all the sins you hath,
Now seeing the heavens, you are set free,
Sitting on his throne, God you shall see.

Now in heaven, your spirit is pure,
You found out that Gabriel gave you the cure,
With God on your side you will never loose,
The righteous and holy path you now forever choose.