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Sunday, November 21, 2010

Bi-Polar In This Moment

Blood spills as the wound opens
No one gets it, no one
The addiction goes as followed

1. Open the box of razors
2. Get the balls to do it
3. Take the razor to the skin
4. Think of what it'll do to everyone
5. Cut your skin over and over your cuts
6. Watch the blood ooze out
7. Feel comfort, knowing you control it
8. Feel paranoid
9. Clean your cuts, bandage them up
10. Wear clothing that covers up the cuts
11. Feel shame knowing you're hurting your friends and family
12. Saying you'll never do it again
13. Next day, start the cycle over

Well I'm just writing to tell you that everything's not ok,
Lately I've been thinking about suicide a lot,
Is it worth it, really, both sides
Living or dying
Sit in my room all day
Telling everyone I'm ok
But I'm not
Filled with anger and rage
I want to stab someones face in, maybe my own
Killing me slowly is what's happening
I'm not taking care of myself
I'm only living cause I don't want my family to suffer
I'd be gone if it weren't for them
So there it is, I'm just letting it out
Will I be alive tomorrow
Most likely yes
But one day, one day, I'll be dead
Till then, I'll just be in my self pity
Think about different ways to kill myself
And hate every minute I live

Pretty sure know one knows me
Not even me

One day I hope I have joy in my life
But I'll get nowhere while I sit and wallow
So maybe I need to man up and swallow
Swallow my misery and get hungry to live life
I'm ok but I'm not
I've only got one shot
To live my life
I really want a loving wife
Who loves me for me
I'll ask her to marry me under a tree

Ahh, feeling a little better already
I just need to take it steady
Maybe you understand my bi-polar now
It changes rapidly and I don't know how
Please put me in your prayers
I want to live, just not in pain
I know everyone really cares
To again take Gods name in vein
I won't, Kenny you're strong
Don't do the wrong
Of killing yourself
Suicide, even if it's inside my mind
Pray, pray, pray
Everything will pass and be ok
Smile, your worth it Kenny

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