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Tuesday, September 28, 2010


Confusing, it's the word that gets me everyday,
Huh, wait, is that what you said?
I understood your words but misunderstood the sentence,
If I'm Catholic and she's Mormon, why can't we play?

Why do so many dislike the lesbian and gay?
It's their lives, their choice,
We all make choices, why aren't we all equal?
Loving all, I do my best to show in every way.

He said, she said, that it said, "What?"
Can't we all be straight forward and honest,
Why do we make up new lies that have to make sense with old lies?
The answer to your question is this, but.

God, now he, she, it or whatever it is, people cause havoc,
So many wars because of others beliefs of God,
Don't you know God loves all his children?
Why do most Americans, even I, hate almost every Hispanic?

Loved ones die, I just can't comprehend,
Why isn't it the ones who rape and kill?
I know this, their sins are not Gods will,
What is it like, death, infinity, the end?

There is so much more confusing things to me,
I'll just stop thinking, be happy, wait pissed, huh bored,
Shit, I'm confused once again, ah piss,
Hope it make sense, if not, let it be.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Why Is It I Want To Die?

Why is it i want to die right now?
My life is fine but to live happy right now don't know how,
Can one of you people who read help me,
Just write something that will set me free.

Is there anyone out there who wants to die too,
Get hit by a car, someone please do,
Why am I not grateful for what I have?
To the heart I have felt a stab.

I just don't understand, can you please help me out,
I'm not worth while it seems, this is my cry, my shout,
I don't want to work the rest of my life to have to get by,
I'd rather just give up and just die.

Why do I have depression and bi-polar?
It makes my life such a coral,
I wish I could just be happy all the time,
Feel like I'm just acting like a mime.

Somebody who cares let me know,
I want my energy to again glow,
Why should I live long when I'm just going to die?
6 feet under is where I feel I lye.

Someone let me know that you care,
I need some wisdom, please share,
I feel like I want to die soon,
My life will end like if you were to pop a balloon.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Wait, Read!

The full moon has risen,
Tonight is the night i come out to feed,
On what you ask,
To feed on my new way of living.

How, is your next question,
By changing my actions to do better,
Stop my negative thinking,
Live my life to the fullest.

What can i do better at,
Work, that's for sure,
Treating my family like they should be treated,
Being kind to myself, stop hurting.

The moon causes me to go through different phases,
And this moon is special, it's a gift,
From who? God of course,
Tonight it's shined so bright, so vivid.

To those who read I honestly thank you,
Writing poetry is what i love to do,
Maybe I don't have your answer,
But you do, inside yourself, you have all the power.

So, with this new full moon you can start over too,
Do what you want to do, make it count,
You can start over every sunset,
Or keep moving forward, do your best!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


I hate myself, I'm the biggest piece of shit,
I'm a chicken, problems arise, I just run from it,
No confidence in myself, people I don't talk to,
Feelings of worthlessness, always in the blue.

Hate life, every night I think of how to die,
Suicide three times, so hard i did try,
In my room i cut because of the guilt and shame,
Always fucking up, it's I, I choose to blame.

In my deep dark hole, comfort from it i sit,
My face I hate, every little single bit,
I'm fat and ugly, no one likes me, even me,
So many times I've wanted to hang from that god forsaken tree.

Suicides I attempted, why the fuck didn't they work,
Want to be in Hell, have Satan as my clerk,
Always in self-pity, life, just fucking end,
I hate you all, I'm part of no fucking trend.

Always alone weather I'm with you or not,
My temper is outrageous, I get extremely hot,
If I could get away with it, I'd kill you all,
Life, I never succeed, every single time I just fall.

When you read this I hope you fucking cry,
Feel the pain I feel every time I want to die,
Now you know, every part of me i so god damn hate,
I cannot wait until the end, my very own fate.

What you just read is the evil that is within,
But now I'm so happy, here it is, let's begin!

Not afraid of anything, I rise up from the underground,
Loving everyone in sight, also everything that's around,
What's on my face? A smile, never that sad frown,
I have confidence in myself, no one can put me down.

I choose to love myself because i am great,
You people I love, I will never hate,
Worthlessness and self-pity, huh? They don't exist,
I' so freaking happy, shit I'm never piste.

My laugh is hysterical, rubs off on others,
I love my mom, dad, sisters, and brothers,
Living life to the fullest I now choose,
I have faith in God, I'll never loose.

Take care of responsibilities, care for my family,
Help others when they're in need, I'm friendly,
Don't think of suicide cause that's the easy way out,
I'll live my life cause I want to see what it's about.

If I mess up I can give myself a break,
I'm true to my friends, I'm never fake,
Through everything it's me who will be by your side,
The most caring, loving person, you'll never have to hide.

As you read, you may cry, make them tears of joy, I'm alive,
Pushing forward I feel you and I will forever strive,
That tree i talked about, It's actually beauty,
Now that being said, don't worry, cause guess what? I love me for me!

Friday, September 17, 2010

Fuck It

In the playground, tied the noose around my neck,
These fucked up thoughts and feelings no longer in check,
Family and friends, don't care if you're in pain,
Feel my evil spirit, I say Gods name in vein.

Out to the garage, I turn on the car,
Carbon monoxide, I will die, get away so far,
As i lye by the exhaust, breathe in the filthy air,
It was death on my mind, life, i didn't care.

Take pills and prescriptions, drink the alcohol down,
In Mexico I attempted suicide, didn't work, I did frown,
Woken up by friends, they asked why, fucking why,
Filled with anger and rage, all i could do was cry.

The gun to my head, I blew my fucking brains out,
Because i hated life, didn't know what it was about,
They walked in and saw my blood splattered on the wall,
My mother first, out of sadness, to her knees she did fall.

100 Tylenol, 2 prescriptions of Trazedone, I wanted to go,
In the shower slit my wrist, the blood did soever flow,
Why'd that mother fucker save my life,
I did it cause of a woman i wanted to be my wife.

All are things I've done or wanted to do,
The people who saved me, I fucking hate you,
One of these days I will do it right,
I'm so excited for when i see the black light.

My God

God to me is a very wise, powerful spirit,
Multiple times God saves my life, puts up with my shit,
Has the power to put guardian angels by my side,
So loving and accepting, from him i now not hide.

Saved me from Satan, I know Gods always got my back,
Has more strength than a killing wolf pack,
As I pray, all negative thoughts, he clears my mind,
Opened up my eyes so I am no longer blind.

Anytime I call upon him, I feel his presence,
Gives me peace of mind, gave me a beautiful conscience,
Blessed me with the gut feeling to tell right from wrong,
Put music on earth so man can make a beautiful song.

Anyone who curses his name, he loves them anyway,
Gave us the sun and moon, their beauty we see everyday,
The blue sky and bright stars make me really see,
All together it's not me it's actually we.

Thunder and lightning, cry's of God doth rain,
The pain and sins we create, he washeth away,
Suicides i tried and that were attempted,
Cause of him, they were attempted, not committed.

I'm crying tears as I write cause I know he loves me,
One day in heaven with him I shall be,
My soul up there will be pure, truth he'll give us all,
If i follow him and do my best, I will never, ever fall.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Coming Of Christ

Can't believe how many times I've put Christ down,
He's the man with the golden white crown,
I'm writing this cause i feel guilty ragging on his name,
Why I don't know, nailed to the cross he took all the blame.

Rising from down under, this God's not dead,
Evil leaves my body as he puts his hands upon my head,
Fed the homeless and starving when they were in need,
This God has not once done a horrible deed.

As rocks are thrown, all he does is stand and love,
He is never hurt, his sign is the pure white dove,
Wicked Satan trys to fight this powerful god,
Christ explodes back, slamming his golden rod.

Satan falls to his knees in absolute shock,
Satan pulled out his gun, but it wouldn't cock,
By the power of God, I sentence you back to hell,
You'll be in there for eternity, now go rot in your cell.

All the good and evil thanked Christ for their lives,
All repented for their sins, evil ones dropped their knives,
Christ said, "You're all ok, you're all children of mine,
Have faith and choose the right, you'll be fine."

God, I'm sorry for saying your name in vein,
It's just i get these confusing temptations from Cain,
So i hope you can accept this poem as an apology,
Thank you God, I know you'll always be there for me.

Monday, September 13, 2010



I will meet you in the next life, I promise you,
Soon the feelings of loneliness will leave you too,
You are not alone, I'm right here, you just can't see,
I'm right here, feel my love, and God will set you free.

Soon we'll even be together, I promise you,
Comfort is soon to come, gets you out of the blue,
Leave your human form and come to my arms,
All the bad will leave you, you'll have no harms.

I will wait until then in heaven, I promise you,
You'll have an amazing life, you can choose what you do,
There's so many fighting to get passed the pearly gates,
Half of them don't get through for sins he creates.

Laughter and joy will fill your heart, I promise you,
Your faith will be so strong, the devil you can easily shoo,
Now you have your wings, where ever you want, fly,
Over the heavens you feel serenity, then a joyful cry.

You and I will always be together, I promise you,
Our spirits make new life, we are the beautiful two,
Negative thoughts that our brains do cause,
Peace will come, and the evil plots will pause.

Love will save us all, I promise you,
All these things I say, will come true,
When we leave this world, this terrible zoo,
I'll be with you forever, I promise you.

Who I Want To Be

Who I Want To Be

Is a man who has been set free,
To have kids, I would like three,
I use to want to be an astronomer,
Then it went to a professional snowboarder.

Now today i want to be a therapist,
Help anyone with suicide, and to resist,
Make them want to live and have a life,
Teach them tools so they don't use the knife.

Reach all my goals to one hundred percent,
My God to me, to have been sent,
To be sober until the very end,
My path to not or only little bend.

A man who can pay his bills on time,
My spirituality everyday to climb and climb,
Have my heart and soul truly be mine,
Not do my will, but have faith and do thine.

Be a good sponsor with knowledge of the program,
No longer follow the upside down pentagram,
Have faith that my life is worth living,
Not worry about receiving but concentrate on giving.

Be a man of my wife's wildest dreams,
Maybe coach volleyball or wrestling teams,
Still have the desire to be physically fit,
Bi-polar and depression, no longer be a victim of it.

I hope to be my kids number one hero,
With the football or baseball, teach them to throw,
Have a relationship with my family that is only love,
My wife, my love, I will not ever shove.

Live long, be successful, old, and very wise,
No longer wear a mask, be real, and not disguise,
Be true to my friends and never tell a lie,
" A Tout Le Monde" played at my funeral when i die.

When it is over, be with God wherever he is,
When up there, be a teacher and student of his,
Have a beautiful pair of wings of my own,
Then to finally sit by God on his thrown.

Suicide (Suicide Of Mine Is The Finished Page Of This One)

The Tylenol makes my stomach rumble,
Next trazedone which makes me stumble,
"Tangled Up In Blue" is how i felt that day,
To choose death, I thought was the way.

Next I stepped into that evil shower,
Slit my wrist again and again was the power,
All my cuts I thought they were done,
No, i had to cut again inside the middle one.

Lying down in comfort, I loose the red blood,
From these cuts it was a bloody flood,
Standing up just to fall back down,
It was then i could feel evils crown.

As i sit, it is Satan who comes in,
The evil thoughts and laughs start to begin,
Feeling his presence right by my side,
No where to run, no where to hide.

With the loss of blood, I had no control,
Of my body, or over my beautiful soul,
Second by second I feel myself start to die,
Wanting to live, I didn't even try.

I started to shake, the water had gone cold,
The hour and a half in there I thought I was sold,
It was freezing cold water, had to get out,
Slipping and falling as i tried to stand about.

Wanting to get warm, I grabbed my black towel,
Next part of the story was my biggest foul,
I lost my balance and put my left hand down,
Fell again and again, blood everywhere, I did frown.

This literally was my hell on earth,
My life i felt was not worth,
All the sudden there were bangs on the door,
My heart then sunk to the deep core.

Unlock this door or I'm busting it open,
Thirty seconds to unlock, he was in,
Where in the hell did all the blood come from,
Showed him my wrist, I felt dumb.

He asked why i had done it,
So much blood loss, couldn't say shit,
Wrapped me in a blanket, carried me to my car,
Death I did know, it was not far.

One thing that might have saved me,
I wanted heat, but Josh turned on the AC,
As we arrived he ran for the wheelchair,
Rushed me into the hospital, started to blare.

Doctors came and saved me from hell,
Said close your eyes, all is well,
Why I was saved I'll never know,
But pushing forward I shall go.

Lady Lucifera

Lady Lucifera

Lady Lucifera, with the black flames in her eyes,
Lady Lucifera, with an evil, sexy, disguise,
Lady Lucifera, fakes out everyone that she meets,
Calling all evil to be with her for every person that she greets.

Lady Lucifera, she is pissed of at the world,
Lady Lucifera, nails and knifes are what she hurled,
Lady Lucifera, will take your soul right from your heart,
Hurting, killing, and fucking all, is her kind of art.

Lady Lucifera, is the queen of all the damned,
Lady Lucifera, will always be on Satan's left hand,
Lady Lucifera, may torture anyone who doesn't please,
Feel the pain from her whip as you bleed on your knees.

Lady Lucifera, hear her sweet voice in your ear,
Lady Lucifera, speaks the tempting lies that you hear,
Lady Lucifera, will diminish all good that is around,
Watch this evil Goddess rise up from the underground.

Lady Lucifera, you can't help but not resist,
Lady Lucifera, from her lips you have been kissed,
Lady Lucifera, her kiss puts you into a shock,
Now you're just as helpless as a mouse is to a hawk.

Lady Lucifera, she now has you on her side,
Lady Lucifera, from her you'll never be able to hide,
Lady Lucifera, you are now under her command,
Because you followed her you are stuck in her quicksand.

The One Who Shall Win

The One Who Shall Win

Ascending from the clouds, He saves your soul,
Takes you away from the firey, burning hole,
You hit your knees and did repent,
The angel Gabriel has now been sent.

Through the fire Gabriel will fight,
He won't give up till you're in his sight,
The demons are strong, but he shall win,
Soon the fight with satan shall begin.

It started with a slice from Satans knife,
But nothing happened, for Gabriel has infinite life,
Strong swings from Gabriels axe,
Satan bleeds to death from his powerful hacks.

Left of Satan are but his strands,
Gabriel finishes him with God in his hands,
He now sees you where it's not bright,
Suddenly from the shadows comes his light.

Following behind him, he shows you the path,
Leaving from you, all the sins you hath,
Now seeing the heavens, you are set free,
Sitting on his throne, God you shall see.

Now in heaven, your spirit is pure,
You found out that Gabriel gave you the cure,
With God on your side you will never loose,
The righteous and holy path you now forever choose.

The Burning One

The Burning One

Fire and lightning in my eyes,
The one who trys, is the one that dies,
Rage and hatred in my heart,
To comfort me, don't even start.

There is blood upon my hands,
The evil one, they are his commands,
I'll tie the knoose around their neck,
Hang the mother fucker from the deck.

I weild the sword of fire and ice,
Nothing about my presence is nice,
With this sword, i'll cut your throat,
Into the heavens, you'll not float.

Down in Hell you'll burn with me,
The evil one i follow, you will see,
Feel his powerful wrath upon your soul,
His temptations are not whatsoever dull.

Now you are down here forever till the end,
It's cause the path you followed did soever bend,
You get to pay for the sins you did commit,
Suffer in Hell for eternity, in your pain you shall sit.

Feel the evil, and feel it now,
Follow the Devil, and he will show you how,
If you shall follow his lead,
You too will be the dominate breed.