Bi-Polar In This Moment

Blood spills as the wound opens
No one gets it, no one
The addiction goes as followed

1. Open the box of razors
2. Get the balls to do it
3. Take the razor to the skin
4. Think of what it'll do to everyone
5. Cut your skin over and over your cuts
6. Watch the blood ooze out
7. Feel comfort, knowing you control it
8. Feel paranoid
9. Clean your cuts, bandage them up
10. Wear clothing that covers up the cuts
11. Feel shame knowing you're hurting your friends and family
12. Saying you'll never do it again
13. Next day, start the cycle over

Well I'm just writing to tell you that everything's not ok,
Lately I've been thinking about suicide a lot,
Is it worth it, really, both sides
Living or dying
Sit in my room all day
Telling everyone I'm ok
But I'm not
Filled with anger and rage
I want to stab someones face in, maybe my own
Killing me slowly is what's happening
I'm not taking care of myself
I'm only living cause I don't want my family to suffer
I'd be gone if it weren't for them
So there it is, I'm just letting it out
Will I be alive tomorrow
Most likely yes
But one day, one day, I'll be dead
Till then, I'll just be in my self pity
Think about different ways to kill myself
And hate every minute I live

Pretty sure know one knows me
Not even me

One day I hope I have joy in my life
But I'll get nowhere while I sit and wallow
So maybe I need to man up and swallow
Swallow my misery and get hungry to live life
I'm ok but I'm not
I've only got one shot
To live my life
I really want a loving wife
Who loves me for me
I'll ask her to marry me under a tree

Ahh, feeling a little better already
I just need to take it steady
Maybe you understand my bi-polar now
It changes rapidly and I don't know how
Please put me in your prayers
I want to live, just not in pain
I know everyone really cares
To again take Gods name in vein
I won't, Kenny you're strong
Don't do the wrong
Of killing yourself
Suicide, even if it's inside my mind
Pray, pray, pray
Everything will pass and be ok
Smile, your worth it Kenny

RUNNING BLOOD

Blood runs out of these cuts,
The knife I used now shuts,
Cutting to get away from my emotional state,
Is cutting myself my very own fate?

Blood drips down to the bathroom floor,
Knife 1, Kenny 0 is the score,
2 inches, every single one on my wrists,
More blood comes out when I squeeze my fists.

In a depression over the beautiful one,
All I see is darkness, there is no sun
Aches in my body cause my heart is broken,
In my ear, the tempting devil has spoken.

Can't stop, I just keep on cutting,
This addiction of mine is so cunning,
Will I still live after this next cut?
I'm getting a woozy feeling over my body and in my gut.

Starting to loose control, I fall to the ground,
Loss of hearing, there is no sound,
My cuts run deep inside my skin,
Self-mutilation is my number one sin.

I've gone out cold, there's no stopping death now,
My light's gone out, look at me, I showed you how,
Death's messenger comes and puts his arm around my shoulder,
My name is now in the committed suicide folder.

CHEATER

Caught my lady cheating,
My heart stops beating,
With another white man,
His name is Dan.

"Go away you fuck,"
Man does this suck,
Three years wasted,
This bitch I dated.

Why did it happen?
Wasn't I her captain?
Did I do wrong?
Sing a sad song.

Can't figure it out,
What was this about?
My heart aches inside,
My room I'll hide.

It's been 1 year,
Still shed a tear,
I lost my dear,
Still live in fear.

IT

So, I got something going on in my head,
IT's the answer to everything that exists,
I get so close to the answer, then I go brain dead,
IT might be time, why everyone looks at their wrists.

One time I almost caught IT,
I was so close to being at the right place at the right time,
IT's such a large answer, I can only comprehend a little bit,
When I figure IT out, there will be an explosion like a land mine.

This "IT," is so unique in it's own way,
IT tricks me, gets me thinking differently,
IT deals with infinity and the end of day,
I think God doesn't want me to figure IT out mentally.

If I were able to figure IT out,
I'd have the answers to everything,
Know what the world is all about,
I'd rule the world and I'd be king.

I've almost had IT over a hundred times,
Then every single time I just go blank,
It's way harder then figuring out those confusing mimes,
I don't even really know the question, it's #1 rank.

IT, I'll understand you before the end,
Everything and more in one is only half of you,
God, let IT open up and transcend,
IT, you're IT, I'm going to watch what you do.

My Little Bro

Yo, my little brothers name is Tim,
Honestly, I wish I could be just like him,
Mother fucker broke his back and still boards,
Screams like a banshee while others play the cords.

He has a beautiful girlfriend named Helena,
Tim is a straight up mack daddy playa,
He's doing everything I wish I could,
Doing his best in life, I wish I would.

Going to college so he can be someone,
You're doing great man, never feel dumb,
Skating and snowboarding, he just excels,
Before boarding, he just exhales.

Soon to be a chef cooking up meals,
He'll have dank food and bomb ass deals,
Rockstar, boarder, chef, and student, all I've wanted to be,
Ha Ha Ha, remember when we'd sword fight with our pee?

Tim, I look up to you so much,
Everyone loves you a bunch,
I hope I'll be a success like you someday,
I've also always got your back in anyway.

Keep up the good work, you're doing great,
Don't give up on your dreams, it's never too late,
I love you Tim, you're my little bro,
Do what your heart tells you and just go!